


Choices Made, Loyalty Given

by denna5



Category: Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Lies, M/M, Multi, Origin Story, Slash, Threesome - F/M/M, mention of child death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 20:20:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denna5/pseuds/denna5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barsad had his life planned, knew what his purpose was to be but there are paths that are unseen, choices that are made that change how fate plays out and there are always repercussions when loyalty is given.   This is the origins of Barsad, of the bonds between people and how they can shift, how a lie can become a truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was an idea that came to me when people were talking about timelines and if Barsad was part of the League before or after Bane's excommunication and a thought popped into my head to play around with the idea of his loyalty with Bane. This story will feature kind of strange story telling, sort of going back and forth in timelines. I still am working on other fics as well so not sure about how often updates will be but I really wanted to post this and see if anyone was interested in this story. Please let me know what you think.

The room is quiet and Barsad sits near the bedding, Bane asleep in it. The sun has long since gone down and the only light comes from a lamp but it is enough for Barsad to see the damage done to Bane, the damage that only he is allowed to see the extent of. 

 _You are one of the few I trust to see me bleed_.

Those words echo in his head now, filling it with an emotion that Barsad does not want to name. He focuses on his task, on removing the bandages that are already a dirty pink.  His fingers shake slightly as he does so and he tells himself that it is from the stress of the day, nothing more.  There is no reason to be worried, to be afraid right now.  He will be the only to know of what will happen in thisroom and he removes the bandages so that he may complete his task.

 The wound is soon bare, crusted blood that needs to be cleaned. There may not be much reason to clean the wound but he remembers his mother’s voice telling him to always clean when a bandage come off and he cannot break the long ingrained habit, the need to follow her advice. The water is right beside him and he squeezes the cloth to get rid of excess. It fills the space with a sound that is not Bane’s steady breathing, the hissing of the mask, for a moment.

The wound has reopened. Barsad works to clean both the crusted and fresh blood off.  It is deep, deep enough to bleed out, to drain the life out of Bane. If it did it quickly enough, he wouldn’t even feel it, heavy in his sleep due to the sedative that Barsad had insisted giving to him before working on the wound.

_“I do not think all your fussing is needed. I have had much worse.”_

_Bane’s voice is not heavy with pain but Barsad knows that the wound has to be hurting. It is a deep knife cut, one given by a man who now is dead. It should not have happened but Barsad had not been quick enough to stop it but made certain that no more damage was done. There had not been time to properly dress it before they left but it will be seen to now._

_“I do not fuss and there is no one else nearby you will let see to it. I will give you something so that you may sleep as I tend to it.”_

_He goes to get everything ready and Bane walks to the bed, gives Barsad’s neck a quick squeeze does so._

_“It is thoughtful but not needed. I can stand the pain.”_

_Barsad shakes his head at this, will not let Bane go without the sedative._

_“It will be simpler if you are asleep. I do not want you thrashing around while I stitch it up. I do not wish to sew my fingers into your stomach. They would be difficult to use after that and I need my hands.”_

_Barsad’s words were gruff but they seemed to amuse Bane even as he winced in pain as he sat._

_“Very well. I would not want you to lose your fingers, I have use for them as well and Talia would miss them when she returns to us.”_

_It was a tease and brought a flush to his face that he tried to hide as he got the sedative ready._

_“She would simply insist on my tongue more often and wear it out till I could not speak.”_

_“That would be a pity.”_

_Bane’s words were soft as he let  Barsad take his arm, put the needle into it.  The sedative started to take effect only after a few moments. Bane lay down, took Barsad’s wrist, and traced the pulse point there with a finger. The gesture was so tender that it made something in Barsad ache but he pushed it aside, focused on what had to be done._

_“ Perhaps I will dream of you as I rest, lamb.”_

Barsad does not want to think of how it felt when Bane called him that, how it does not feel strange anymore, feels like an old comfort. He has to steel himself for what is to come.  This moment has granted him an opportunity, one that he knows he is supposed to take.  He tells himself that he had known that it would come to this when he left with Bane so long ago.

It had only been a couple of weeks ago when he had gotten the message. It spoke of what was going to happen in Gotham, of how the traitor would be given a chance to make amends but that Ra’s was not certain that he would take it, and at the end of all it were words that at one time Barsad had longed to hear but now have left a strange pain in him.

_Once there is a chance, you are to return to your place beside me. Bring Talia. Make certain Bane cannot follow either of you._

This is the chance that Ra’s has spoken of. The wound would need to just open a little more, for Barsad to take the pressure that he is currently applying off and it would be over soon. It would take just minutes of it bleeding out steadily and Bane would die.  No one would suspect him. He could go to Talia after, let Ra’s know of where they would be.  He would tell her of how he failed, of how there was nothing he could do, of the loss that will affect them both.  She would be angry but he is certain that she would allow him to comfort her, that she would fall asleep in his presence, an act that shows her trust in him. Then he could slip a  needle in her arm, the sedative assuring that she would not wake till they were with her father again. It is a solid plan and this may be the only chance.

This will not be the first time he has killed. His hands have been stained with blood so many times, all needed. This feels different, is different. This is not killing someone in a fight, an enemy. This is a man whose death Barsad does not want to happen, had hoped that Ra’s would not order this but he has.  He had vowed to kill in Ra’s name, had been brought up to do so. He tells himself that it will be quick, that if he does not do this Ra’s will find someone else that will not be as kind to end Bane in his sleep. This is a mercy and he starts to lift his hands away.

He cannot do it, finds himself pressing harder to stop the flow of blood.  Bane trusts him, a trust that Barsad had carefully crafted, trust that now seems to hang around him like a noose.  He tells himself that his loyalty had already been given long before he met Bane and that this act will not be a betrayal, that there is nothing to betray. It feels like a lie.

Guilt is heavy in him right now and it is not something he has expected. Bane’s loyal man, his second that would walk the ends of the earth for him, is just a part that he has played so long that it has started to feel real and now is the time to discard it, become himself again. It is now as he stares down at Bane that he realizes he is not sure who he was before, if he can go back to that. He must make a choice in this moment and he does.

He stitches the wound, makes sure that it will hold, that it will not bleed out any time soon. His hands do not shake now, are as steady in their movements as his mother taught them to be. A part of him worries that he has taken too long to make this choice and Bane will still die but his pulse is steady when he checks it.  He is sealing his fate now. He cannot return to Ra’s as he had planned for so long. There will be consequences to this, to deciding that his loyalty is real and not just a mask, but they can wait for later. For now, he finishes cleaning up and then lies so that he can feel Bane’s heartbeat underneath his fingers.

\--------------


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.

\--------------

The first time Barsad sees the man who would shape his path in so many ways, he is not even six  years old and his name is not yet Barsad. Ra’s al Ghul’s entrance into Barsad’s life is central, drives much of what happens to him but it is the woman with him that plays a fonder part in his life, that helps hold Barsad’s path to Ra’s for so long.

That night is one that is muddy in his mind but clearer than the life that he had before it.  The name he was born with, what happened in his house, the end of his first life, he does not recall when he is grown but he can remember waking up to a woman who would become his mother given time  holding him. He remembers not moving or opening his eyes, just listening as she spoke to someone else. He knew that something was wrong but even at that young age he had learned that it was better to pretend to not know what is going on, to hide when needed.  

“This will be a risk, there were to be no survivors.”

These words send a chill through him. He is not sure what she is talking about but her hold is gentle and he knows somehow she will not hurt him.

“As far as the others know, there are no survivors. The child  can easily be hidden and you have longed for one. You could not bring yourself to end him and so you should take him. He is young, his family’s taint can be burned off of him with time. I  can take care of him now if you have decided that you no longer want him.”

The other voice that speaks sounds like a man and there is something about his last sentence that causes the hold on him to tighten just slightly. He is more scared than he has ever been before.  He knows that he is not in his house and he does not know who these people are. The man’s voice was calm and somehow that makes it worse than the  yelling he is used to hearing through the walls of his room.

“I shall keep him.”

Her words are sure and she runs her fingers through his hair. It is the softest touch that he has felt in his young life, softer than those who tend to him, softer than the rare touch of his parents. He doesn’t know what she means by keeping him but he keeps quiet, doesn’t want to risk the gentle touch going away or turning harsh.

“I have already started arrangements, got documentation for both of you. There is a village I will take you to, you do not have to stay there permanently but at least a year would be a good idea, give him time to adjust. You will still be called on from time to time but none of the others will know of him, of why you will no longer reside in the mountains.”

 The man’s voice sounds pleased about something and he doesn’t know what. The woman is still holding him and he wants to see her, know who it is that holds him as if he might break but she speaks and he waits  a moment longer to look at her.

“You are next in line to lead, if your lie is found, it can cost you. I have no doubt you are offering me this chance for a reason, what is it? What do you want for him, for your deceit?”

Her voice is curious but cautious and he is not sure what they are talking about but he knows it has to do with him. He is used to being talked about, spoken about and not to and so he just waits to listen. A moment passes before the man speaks and his voice is gentler but still strong.

“ I can understand your desire for that which was denied you. I once had dreams of a life, a family, but it was not to be. This is your chance and you should take it.”

There is sadness in his words and he wonders what the man is talking about.

“ As for my price, all I ask is loyalty, yours and his. You are a skilled solider, driven, one that this world needs and I am certain you will raise him to be the same.  ”

Those words are spoken and there is a quiet moment, a pause as if something is being decided. The woman finally speaks, her words soft but sure.

“Very well, you shall have it. Do you know his name?”

He could tell her but he is still not sure if he should let them know that he is awake. He is very unsure of what is going, only knows that he has been taken from his home by strangers.

“It does not matter, he cannot be associated with his life from before. You can give him one or use the name that is on the papers, Barsad.”

 “That name will be fine.”

This is directed to the man as all the conversation has been then the woman shifts him even closer, strokes his hair with gentle fingers.  She speaks to him now, her voice soothing and the tone of it makes her words sound like a vow, a promise.

“We will make a home together, my young Barsad.”

He opens his eyes at this, can no longer just listen.

“That is not my name, I have a home.”

His name and home are not much but they are his and he does not want the few things that are his to be taken from him.  He tries to squirm away from her now, no longer able to stay still.  She does not let him leave her arms but he manages to twist so that he can see who holds him.

She looks nothing like his mother, eyes darker, straight dark hair pulled back, and features sharp. She is not beautiful, or at least not the type of beauty that first catches one’s eyes, but there is something about the way she is looking at him that captures his attention. It is a very tender look, one that he has never seen on his own mother’s face. There is a strength in her hold,  but the grip is not bruising, and her eyes have just a little bit of softness to them.

“Those are both from a life you can no longer have.”

The words do not come from the woman but the man near them.  He comes closer to them, has something in his hands.  The man is calm and looks strong.  He is scared and he tries to struggle out  of her arms with more energy but she holds him still,  whispers soothing words to him as the man places a needle in his arm.

“Go back to sleep, little one. Things will be better once you wake.”

His arm stings from where the needle stabbed him and he squirms a bit. He wants to stay awake but his eyes are starting to close. The last thing he feels as he falls asleep is the woman picking him up,  holding him tightly as she moves, whispering sweet words into his ears.

 

\--------------


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleas enjoy and let me know what you think.

\--------------

Bane sleeps through the night but Barsad’s sleep is not nearly as restful. He stays awake, careful to not move too much least he jars Bane’s healing body.  This is the first time in years that he cannot find his sleep easily next to Bane.  It had taken time to get used to sleeping next to him but Barsad had found it easy after a while, could fall asleep with Bane’s arms around him almost anywhere but now he cannot drift away to sleep.   Bane is still the same beside him, a warm comfortable weight, nothing else has changed but Barsad’s intentions and he cannot find his rest because of it.

He gets up after a few hours, sits by the bed and looks over Bane as he sleeps. Barsad has spent time looking over Bane, knows every scar and mark that the man possesses but now it is like seeing him with fresh eyes. His chest is rising with  the steady breath of sleep and his pulse is strong when Barsad checks it. His fingers stay on  Bane’s wrist for a moment, rubs it tenderly before gently letting  of  it.  He looks over the wound, sees that the stiches are holding. It will be another scar soon and Barsad will see it every day, be reminded of this choice.

He cannot lay down again, knows sleep will come and so instead he gets a message ready.  It is for Talia, Barsad not hiding any details but making sure she  will know Bane’s condition is stable for now.   He thinks about making another message, one to Ra’s but he is unsure what to tell the man.   He decides that any talk with Ra’s can wait until Bane is healed, until he has told Bane and Talia the truth.  That will be days from now and so he goes to send the message to Talia, tries not to dwell on the fact that he is walking away from what he had grown up believing was his purpose.

\--------------

It took time for Barsad to become Barsad, to adjust to the new life he was given.

The first few days he felt trapped, was stuck somewhere that he had no idea where it was, with strangers who took him from his home.  The man came and went but the woman was always there.  She would try to soothe him, talk to him, try to coax him into eating the food she would make him.

“You must be hungry. I promise I have done nothing to the food. You are safe, Barsad.”

She has brought a bowl of soup, sets it down next to him. It smells good and he is hungry but he does not touch  it.

“My name is not Barsad.”

He says this once again, has been saying it every time she calls him that. She goes to touch his shoulder but he moves from her. Her hand moves away but her eyes stay on him.

 “Where are my parents?”

It is the first time he has asked about them.  He is not sure that he will be given an answer.

“They are gone, you will not see them again.”

Her voice is firm and he knows that his parents are dead.  They weren’t always good to him but they were his parents, were all he knew and their loss is hard, makes everything that is happening seem more real.  There are tears starting to form in his eyes and he tries to blink them away, they fall anyway.

“It is alright to mourn for them. There is much cruelty in this world and they were part of it but you were not. You are an innocent and I will do what I can to help you make a difference in this world. I did not tell you this to upset but to help you accept, Barsad.”

Her voice is gentle and he does not shrug away from her hand when it goes to his shoulder this time.  Her hand is warm.

“That is not my name and I don’t know yours.”

She smiles at him just a little bit, her hand stroking his shoulder as she speaks.

“I have had many in my life, the most recent Shiva but I hope one day you will call me mother.”

He shakes his head at her words, shrugs her hand off. He doesn’t want her gentleness anymore. It is quiet for a few moments and then she gets up, leaves the soup with him. He does not eat it.

It takes about a week for him to decide to try to run away.  Nothing bad has come to him here but he cannot stay here, is still unsure of her, of the man that has been here sometimes. They are dangerous, he knows it.

He leaves through a window, runs as far as he can. He knows that she will see that he is gone soon, may look for him.  He has no idea where he is, just knows he needs to get far from the house. There are no houses near by and he is scared that he won’t be able to find anyone.

He keeps running, his skin starting to get chilled, his cloths wet. It is cold, raining, and he didn’t think to grab a coat or anything.  He has refused most of the food he has been offered and it is hard to keep up the running with how much his stomach hurts.  He feels dizzy, is having trouble seeing through the rain and he trips on a rock. He lands on the ground, his body hurting from the fall. 

He is not sure how much time passes as he lays there but he can hear footsteps coming near him.  She has found him and he tries to get up, to run again but hands grab them, strong hands but not hers.

“You have fire but it was foolish to run. I will take you back. She is worried.”

It is the man and he holds him, does not let him struggle out of his grip. He thrashes in it, cries out.

“Who are you? Why did you bring me here?”

The man starts to walk holds him tightly. It is a moment but he starts to speak as he carries Barsad.

“I am Ra’s al Ghul and I brought you here because I may have need of you in the future.”

The words do not make much sense to him and he cannot get out of the man’s arms and he is cold and tired. He stops struggling, closes his eyes. He doesn’t remember falling asleep but the next thing he knows is that he is back in the house, the woman near him, and he is still so cold, even with the blankets that have been wrapped around him.

“It will take time to feel warm, you were chilled to the bone. Do not run again.”

Her words are soft, worry in her voice. He is shivering but his skin feels heated. She sets him up, gives him some water. The man is standing near them, watching.  He drinks the water down but it is hard, he is shaking so much.  She takes the cup from him, touches his forehead. Her hand is cool and he leans into the touch a bit.

“You are  burning up.”

The worry is stronger in her voice now.  The man comes near, touches his forehead as well.

“His escape attempt did him harm but he is strong. I will get you supplies.”

She thanks him and he leaves. It is just the two of them now and she wraps her arms around him, holds him close. He goes back to sleep.

The next few days he is sick, sicker than he has ever been. He remembers one time being sick, being told to stay in his room while he recovered.  He hadn’t wanted to be alone, had made his way to his parents’ bed, had tried to climb into it with them. They had sent him away, the nurse taking him back to his own room, his cold bed.  He did not see them again till he was well. It is different this time.

When he keeps coughing, can not sleep, she lays with him, holds him close. She is by his side, taking care of him. She reassures him, tells him how strong he is being, that when he is well she will teach him things. She reads to him, sings lullabies.  It comforts him.

His sickness passes but her care for him does not. He finds himself giving into it, enjoying it. There is nothing else for him and she is kind, wants him here.  He still thinks about running sometimes but he does not know what he could run to.

\--------------


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long getting another update. Please let me know what you think.

\--------------

Time passes and he does not run away, does not escape this new life. He doesn’t mind, not really, it is better than what he had before. After a few months, he answers to Barsad easily. After a year, he calls her mother and there is a pleased look in her eyes when he does so. He never really forgets that Shiva is not his birth mother, that the name she calls him was not the one he was born with. It is more that those facts become blurry with time, don’t matter as much as the life he has now.

It is a very isolated life for the most part, mainly just the two of them. For the first few months, Barsad does not even see the village near by, only sees his new mother and occasionally Ra’s. It is different than the life he had before, the one that had more people in it but he is not ignored now. She gives him more care and attention than he had before, makes him her main focus. He blossoms with it.

He starts to be taught after he gets better, many different kinds of lessons. He practices reading and writing, learns different words for the same thing. He learns how to cook, how to tend the small garden outside their house, how to fix things. She teaches him to fight, to sharpen a knife and how to use it.

_“Always remember that it is a tool, that you are the one who uses it and that it is worthless without you, not the other way around.”_

_These are the words she tells him when she first places the knife in his hand when he has been with her for over a year. He remembers being told not to touch knifes, that they are dangerous and he tells her this as she has him wrap his fingers around it tightly._

_“Anything can be dangerous, little one. This world is dangerous, harsh, and I will not hide it from you. Instead, I will show you how to protect yourself, how to help clean the little bit of it that we can.”_

_She sits him down with it, has him first use it to cut things. He is careful with it, listens to all of her words. It is when he learns to sharpen it that it slips, slices his finger open. It hurts and tears start to form is his eyes. His mother looks over to him, has him put the knife down. There is blood dripping off his finger now, the wound not very deep but she helps him wrap it._

_“It is just a little pain, you will be more careful next time. Each pain can make you stronger if you use it properly.”_

_He nods at her words and once his finger is bandaged, he finishes sharpening his knife, hands more careful with how they move. When he thinks it is sharp enough, he gives it to her. She runs a tip of a finger over the blade, tells him it is still dull. He takes it from her without a word, sharpens it more. It takes a while for it to pass her test, many times of Barsad having to do it again but once it does, she smiles at him, tells him what a good student he is becoming and he does not feel the pain in his finger anymore._

\--------------

By the time he returns from sending his message, Bane is awake, propped up in the bedding, a book in his hands. He does not look up from it as Barsad enters but he acknowledges Barsad’s presence by speaking.

“The bed was cold when I woke. Where did you go, lamb?”

“To send a message telling Talia what happened.”

Bane puts the book down as Barsad approaches, a sigh being filter through his mask at the mention of Talia.

“She will fuss, perhaps even more than you.”

“You have fussed over both of us, it is only fitting that we do the same for you.”

He has reached the bedding, sits down next to Bane.

“Now I will look over the stiches and then you can return to your,” he looks at the book as he picks it up, “ or rather my book when I am finished.”

He puts the book down, careful with it. It is a copy of _A Tale of Two Cities._ It is the second copy he has been given, the first lost when he moved to the League. Bane moves so that Barsad has better access to his wound, a little stiff in his movements but not in too much pain.

“I had read it before and I saw it in your things. Do you own it because of your name?”

Bane’s voice is curious as Barsad carefully touches around the stiches, checks for any sign of irritation.

“It was a gift, given to me years ago. Do they feel too tight?”

He asks about the stiches, doesn’t want Bane to ask about who gave him the book. It will fill him with too much guilt to think about it, to try to answer the question with truth.

Bane shakes his head; places his fingers over Barsad’s and strokes them .

“No, they feel fine. Your stiches are always very well done, perhaps you should have been a healer but I am glad you are by my side.”

Bane’s words are a compliment, his fingers still on Barsad’s, the skin rough but the touch gentle. It is so familiar to him now, Bane’s touch, and he could have lost it yesterday if he had made a different choice.

“No matter how well done my stiches, this will still scar.”

It will be a reminder for Barsad, proof of his choice.

“I have many. This is just one more.”

This is said with just a slight shrug of Bane’s shoulders. His fingers curl around Barsad’s now, pulls them away from the wound. He props himself back up, lets go of Barsad’s hand after a moment.

“It will heal. Hand me back your book.”

Barsad does so, knows that Bane needs to rest. He starts to get up but Bane grabs his hand, keeps him close.

“ Stay here with me, warm the bedding back up and I shall read to you.”

It is a nice offer and Barsad finds himself accepting, settling near Bane, careful not to lean against his wound as Bane starts to read out loud. Barsad will take this moment of comfortable companionship, hopes that it will not be one of the last once Bane knows the truth. He pushes that though aside and focuses on Bane’s voice, on the warmth of his body next to Barsad’s.

\--------------

Many of his lessons become second nature after a while, each mistake corrected by his mother. She is firm when he makes a mistake, punishments given when needed. She is never cruel, never hits him in anything other than training. Barsad finds that her disappointment when he does not learn a lesson quickly hurts more than any blow that she could place upon him.

His mother is dangerous, not to him, but he knows that she can be. She does not hide her past from him, the blood that she has on her hands. She is still sent off for tasks by Ra’s , Barsad left with Ra’s or as he got older by himself. The first time that she comes back, she has a wound on her arm. It is a long slash, deep with blood soaking through her shirt. He is frightened by it, scared also by her words that the one who did it is no longer a worry. She sees his fear and soothes him, tells him that sometimes violence is needed. He trusts her and takes her words as truth.

Shiva turned her wound into another lesson.

_“Does it hurt?”_

_It is just the two of them, Ra’s leaving after his mother’s assurances that the task was done. He doesn’t want to think about what she did and instead focuses on her arm, on the cut the cut that is longer than his hand. She answers his question as she sits down._

_“A little. I have had worse. I need you to get some things ready so that you can see to it.”_

_He nods, wants to help. He gathers everything she tells him, the water and cloth, things to clean the wound with, and strangely to him a needle and thread and matches. He sits near her, follows her instructions. The water is warm and his mother winces a little as he cleans the wound off. When the blood is gone enough that the wound can be seen better she looks it over._

_“It will need stiches. You have done it before, you can do it now.”_

_He is not comfortable with this idea, worried that he won’t be able to do it._

_“I have stitched holes in cloths, not in people.”_

_“It is not much different. I will talk you through it.”_

_She does. His hands shake as he cleans the needle and it takes many times to get it threaded. He is nervous as he starts to close the wound with the thread. His mother’s voice is calm as she guides him through keeping the stitches as they should be and she keeps her arm very still for him. It is many minutes but soon her arm is taken care of. She tells him what he did right and what he will need to work on._

_“It is something you will need to practice but I believe that you were given a gift today. Show me.”_

_He gets up eagerly, fetches the book that Ra’s brought him. He hands it to her, settles in next to her. She opens the book up and they spend the rest of the day reading it together._

\--------------


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: implied mention of rape and mention of child death.   
> Please let me know what you think.

\--------------

Barsad does not tell Bane the truth yet, lets that first day of his new life pass without reveling the old one to Bane. There are moments he thinks about doing it, right after Bane finishes reading him a chapter, when he helps Bane with his mask, when they get ready for bed. Whenever he thinks about uttering the words, his throat feels tight and he can not speak and so it remains unsaid for the day.

He decides that it is too early, tells himself that it can wait a few more days, that Bane does not need the distraction of Barsad’s explanations while he heals. There are other tasks that require his attention today and the truth can wait. He will need to tell Talia as well and it will be simpler to tell them both at once. He convinces himself of many reasons not to tell Bane, ignores the truth, the fear that Bane will send him away, that in the end he will still lose him after deciding to be Bane’s.

\--------------

It is mainly the two of them, Barsad and Shiva. It is a life that many could see as lonely but he is content in it for the most part.They stay near a little village, go into it from time to time, interact with others when needed. There is no one who enters their world with any sort of regularity other than Ra’s.

He had frightened Barsad at first but his mother trusts him, speaks of him with a respect and reverence and it helps to ease Barsad’s fears. He is curious about him, just as he is about the woman he calls mother and once he had become more comfortable, once a few years had passed, he asked questions.

_“Why does Ra’s call you sister? Is he your brother? ” He questions his mother this one night at dinner, pausing just long enough in eating so the words come out clear. He could have asked the man earlier before he left but he is not always sure he will get an answer from him. The man is kind enough to him but he is always looking at Barsad as if he is judging him for something. Barsad knows now that Shiva will always answer his questions and he has been curious since the first time he had heard Ra’s address her as sister._

_She turns to him, pauses for just a moment to swallow the bite of food she had in her spoon before answering him._

_“In a way, yes. He is my brother but we do not share blood. Our bond is that of the League of Shadows.”_

_Those last words are uttered with a seriousness that he has heard his mother speak with before. It is the same tone when she takes about the ills of the world, how she is helping to right them and that Barsad may one day do the same._

_“What’s the League of Shadows? Is that where you go to sometimes? “he asks. He feels sometimes that there is so much of her life before him that he does not know._

_“I will tell you once dinner is over, once your lessons for the evening are over.”_

_Her voice is firm and he knows he will have to wait to hear this story. He wants to rush through dinner, get his lessons over but he knows that he has to be patient. Dinner is finished after a little bit and then they clean up. He goes through his lessons, tries not to be impatient. The lessons are nothing new, the ones he does almost every day but tonight they seem to take longer. His mother is always stressing patience, the ability to be able to wait for the right moment, and so she does not put any sort of rush on his training tonight. She knows that he is eager to learn about this League but she will make him wait to increase his patience._

_Finally, everything is done for the day and he is ready for her to tell him more about what she spoke of earlier. She makes him read for a little while instead. When he has finished a chapter, she has him put the book away and sit next to her. He is starting to grow taller but it is still easy for him to curl up next to her._

_“The League has been around for a very long time, and as such things that have such long history, it shifts and changes but it has always kept a common purpose, to help the world, to rid it of corruption.” She begins her story, tells him of a little bit of the League’s history. He has been with her for a few years now and has heard some of this before but now she gives him more context, connects the various things he has heard. She continues the story, her voice steady._

_“People come to the League when there is nothing left for them, when they see the horrors of this world and want to destroy them. The League offers them a home, a purpose.”_

_“Why did you join the Leauge?”Barsad interrupts her explanation with this question, looks to her from where he is beside her. She is quiet for a moment, almost as if she has gone somewhere else for a few moments before she speaks again._

_“ I had a child once, before you, a daughter.”_

_This is something she has never told him. He is uncertain how to feel about this, takes her hand and holds it tight as she speaks about this daughter._

_“I did not love the man who helped to make her, her beginning was not the way a child should be brought into this world. There are some men who will take what they want and he did. I fought him but when it was over, he had gotten what he wanted and he left me alone.””_

_“I don’t understand. He hurt you and that made a baby?”Barsad questions, not liking the slight pain in her voice right now._

_“He did. There are many ways to hurt someone and he choose one that left consequences.”_

_He is still not sure he understands just what happened but he listens as his mother tells him more._

_“I intended to send her away, give her someone else.I thought I would hate her, would see her as his but when she came, she was mine. She was so tiny, I was almost afraid to hold her but she reached out for me, and I knew that she would be strong. I named her Mailha, had always liked that name.”_

_His mother’s voice is soft right now, fond and he almost feels jealous of this babe he has never known._

_“What happened to her?”_

_His question is soft and his mother once again looks sad. She takes his other hand, holds him close to her body as she speaks the fate of her daughter, of the sister he could have had._

_“She grew to be five and that is when a war came. It had nothing to do with us but often it is the innocent that suffer. We were not able to escape our village and it was attacked, supplies cut off. There was not enough food, not enough medicine. I tried to get as much as I could but it wasn’t enough..”_

_She stops for a moment and he can see wetness in her eyes. She blinks it away, keeps her hold on him tight._

_“She grew sick. I did all I could and watch everyday as she grew weaker and started to fade away as no one helped. I woke up one morning and she did not.”_

_Her voice is filled with pain and there is a tear that escapes her eye. He wishes that he could take back his question, stop her from having to think about this. She takes his hand and places it on the chain she always wears, on a small tear drop stone._

_“This was hers, all I had left. I took it with me, looked for a way to make the pain go away. I found the League. It gave me purpose, a way to channel my anger.”_

_He lets go of the stone. Her eyes are dry now, her grief still there but she buries it, continues to tells him of the League, of how Ra’s now leads it and how he still gives her tasks but how her life is with Barsad now, to teach him the ways of the League._

_“ Someday, you will be a brother.“_

_Her words are sure and he nods at them though he is uncertain if he wants that. The League seems daunting to him right now. She is finished talking about this for the night, has answered most of his questions and so she reads to him now. What she told him stays with him all night and when they go to bed, he dwells on it and needs one more question answered._

_“Did the pain go away?” he questions softly. She knows what he is talking about, her hand going to the chain around her neck.._

_“It never went away fully, even with the League it was still a constant pang”, she tells him, voice honest,”. Then something came, made it become a dull ache, eased some of it.”_

_“What came?”_

_She kisses his forehed, wraps her arms around him and whispers words into his ear._

_“You did, my little Barsad.”_

\--------------


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a bit more. Hope people are still enjoying.

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Years pass and Barsad grows in his mother’s care, learns what she wants him to. She shapes him, teaches him the ways of the League and one day he will join it. Any reluctance he may have had with the idea of the League passes as the years do. By the time he is fourteen, he has shed blood and knows that he will be able to do so again.

_He awakes in the night to noises coming from else where in the house. It is the noise of scuffling, of a struggle. There is someone else here and from what he can hear, they are not welcome company._

_He is out of his bed quickly, keeps his steps quiet. His hand grabs the knife by his bedside table without a thought. Barsad makes his was to where he hears the noises, to the room his mother has been using for the last few years, leaving him a space of his own. His hand tightens around his knife as he opens the door. The sight he sees is one that freezes him for just a moment._

_There are three men here, large men who are trying to pin his mother down. She is fighting, has enough skills that she should be alright but there is no doubt that she is out numbered and does not have a weapon in her hand. One strikes her across the face, the action causing her head to snap back and a trickle of blood to drip from her nose. It is this that causes Barsad to move._

_They are bigger than him but he is fast and goes to the one who hit his mother first. He is scared, unsure if he will be able to do anything, but he has been taught well and the lessons come to the forefront now. He sticks his knife into the man’s side quickly, twists it and pulls it out._

_It is not enough to kill the man right away but it is enough to startle him, to let the others know that there is someone else here. They attack and the next moments pass in a blur. He fights, knows that the others are too, that his mother is as well. He manages to get his knife in the man again, gets covered in his blood, and the man lashes out, smacks him hard enough that he is knocked down for a bit, blackness threatening his vision.. When it clears enough for him, to look the others are on the floor, his mother standing, bruised and bloodied but alive._

_“It is alright, little one. Come here, they will not live much longer.”_

_He goes to his mother and sees that at her feet lays the man he attacked with his knife. His breathing is slowing down and Barsad knows that it is his actions that have caused this man his life. He hurt his mother and Barsad can not find it in himself to care that the man is taking his last breath._

_“You did well. You are so very quick.”_

_Her words are full of praise and it sends the warmth through him that tone always does. He is shaking, the act he has just committed taking a lot out of him. She wraps her arms around him, soothes him, and then gives directions. They take the bodies outside, get rid of them and then they are back in._

_They wash together, using just cloth and bowls of water that get tinged pink very quickly. The blood had been warm and sticky when he had gotten covered with but it cooled quickly. Barsad is glad to be rid of it, though for a few moments after it is washed away, he can still feel it on his skin._

_His mother stays in his room the rest of the night, reassures him that he did the right thing._

_“They were not good men, deserved their fate. You are strong and it is you duty to do what you can to help this world , to purge it of evil. I am grateful I have you, my Barsad.”_

_He takes comfort in her words, repeats them in his head the next few days as he dreams about what he did. In the end, he can not find it in himself to regret it, knows he would do it again if he had to._

\--------------

 

The truth sits on him heavier than it has before. There is a guilt that is inside of him, guilt for all the lies he has told, both to Bane and to himself. It is something he will have to deal with till the time is right for him to tell Bane, to risk it. That time will be a while, can wait till Bane is well.

Barsad spends the next few days tending to Bane, letting their men know of what is going on, and waiting for Talia. He had received a message from her very quickly, a simple coded stay there that meant she was on her way. Barsad had told Bane the news as soon as he had received it. Bane had grumbled that he would have two nursemaids soon but Barsad could tell that he was looking forward to seeing her. Now Barsad has to simply keep Bane resting, from exerting himself too much . It is not the easiest of tasks.

Bane had been alright with resting the first two days but he soon wanted Barsad to stay with him, to let him read to him. Barsad indulged him at first but there were many things that still needed to be done, things that he could not do while lying in bed with Bane and so he left him alone with orders to not move too much.

He left to do a few tasks, to pick up more supplies, to leave messages for the men and to receive one from Talia, and make sure that Ra’s has not tried to contact him. Whatever the man has planned for Gotham is still not in motion yet and Barsad hopes that it takes a while gives him time to find a way to tell Bane the deceit that he has put him through these last few years. Barsad completed everything quickly, taking only a few hours of the morning but when he came back it was to find Bane trying to train, his bandage starting to turn a dirty pink.

“I told you to not move very much. Your bandage needs changed and the stitches looked after.”

Barsad puts the supplies on the floor, gets out what he needs. He gestures for Bane to sit down. He is irritated that his advice was not taken . Bane moves where he is gestured to.

“I could not stay in bed without you here.”

Barsad does not think it is much of a reason. He has never seen Bane this injured before but he knows his brother has patience and so his restlessness now is strange.

“You should stay in bed because your body needs to heal.”

Bane says nothing to this and Barsad simply sighs and gets to his task.He makes quick work of the bandages and sees that only some of the stitches have been pulled.

 

“You are lucky that only a few stitches are pulled. Talia will be here in a day and she would not be pleased if I had to completely re stitch your wound.”

Barsad looks up at Bane as he says this, feels a little bit of guilt for the concern that flashes in Bane’s eyes at the idea of upsetting Talia. He brought her up because he knows that if Bane will not stay still for him, he may do it for Talia.

“I did not do it to cause either of you worry. I just do not like to lay still for long periods of times alone.”

There is honesty in his voice and Barsad feels his irritation start to fade away as he cleans and preps the wound, not brothering with sedative this time.

“Will you tell me why it brothers you so much?”, Barsad questions as he gets his needle ready.

There is a moment of silence and Barsad thinks his question will not be answered.

“It reminds me of the pit, of the time I was there after Talia rose.”

His answer makes Barsad take a breath, let it out slowly. They have talked about the pit before, many times but it has always been about the time bane spent there with Talia, never about the years he spent there without her. He keeps his stitches neat as Bane tells him more.

“They tore me apart, lamb, beat me. The doctor tried to save me, perhaps from guilt of how he had failed Nadia, but he botched it. After what happened, every move was agony and the only thing I had strength to do was lie in my bedding against a wall. Death would have been better.”

He hears the pain in Bane’s voice, not physical pain but pain from the reminder of that dark time. He is done with his stitches now and he takes Bane’s hands, leads him to the bedding buy lays down with him as well. He needs to offer comfort.

“You will never be in that position again. I promise.”

He traces his fingers across Bane’s mask, leaves the bedding for just a moment to grab a book and then lays back down.

“We will rest and then after a while, if there is anything else I need to do, you will come with me. You will move slowly and I will check your wound both before and after. Is that acceptable?”

Bane’s eyes crinkle and he opens the book, speaks some fond words before he begins to read .

“Your company is always acceptable ,lamb.”

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End file.
